I recently posted the report of my first disastrous attempt at a marathon last December. What I didn't really go into in that post was the mentality I came away from it with. As I lay in bed for the two days immediately following the marathon, nursing my solidified calf muscles, the biggest thing in my mind was revenge. I decided I was absolutely signing up for the next year's Honolulu Marathon and I was going to completely blow it out of the water.
I couldn't wait to get back out, up the miles, find a pair of shoes I could love, and put to use all the lessons I'd had to learn the hard way. I envisioned myself running as many races as I could get into, doing cheerful 26-mile training runs every Sunday. Then, a glorious return to the HM and a smiling finish, crushing the beast completely.
Well, nothing ever quite works out the way we think it will. Oh, I've upped my miles significantly. I'm a much stronger runner than I have ever been before. I've got all the tools that I need to conquer the upcoming HM... except one. Confidence.
You see, in all of this planning I did for the year the biggest was to have at least one longer race. A confidence-builder, if you will. I needed something to wash the bad taste from the previous attempt out of my mouth. I needed a couple of positive points up on the board so I wasn't going into HM behind in the score. Somehow it just didn't happen.
It wasn't like there wasn't the opportunity. Hawaii has a wonderfully runner/triathlon-centric mind set. There's dozens of organizations that host informal and formal races practically every month. Yet all of the ones that I picked out and planned for fell through.
The biggest was the Kauai Marathon. I was ecstatic when I heard the Dean Karnazes was hosting it next month. Not only terrific timing for a confidence-boost (two months before HM), but as added incentive to attend and do well, Dean was going to be there. Non-runners who've heard of him are few and far between, but in the running world he's a really big deal and he was going to be on the next island over!
And I had to move. The timing of the move wasn't that bad, but it definitely killed the budget for a plane ticket, hotel room, food, race entry, cab rides... Aaarrrgggghh!
Honestly, I'd have starved myself for a month to pay for it but having a kid takes that option off the table. (Or keeps it on the table? I’m confusing myself with this figurative language)
The Kauai Marathon was the last big road race I had a realistic chance of attending... There's a couple of 5 & 10k's coming up, but not the long distance I need to get the monkey off my back. And time is running out.
I've got some chills. As I let some of the other races slip past, it didn't really concern me that much, but as the HM date gets closer I'm realizing exactly how much I needed a good race. It's like being a boxer, getting punched into the hospital, and as soon as you heal up... going back into the ring with the same guy who took you out. It's nerve wracking.
Of course, no one would be a runner if we gave up easily. Distances that commuters complain about, we're measuring up for weekend runs. Anyone who's done long distance learns to court The Wall, learns to love pushing past our mental and physical boundaries. I've tried explaining that to the wife but she continues to think I'm just plain crazy.
So, whether or not I can squeeze in another race I'll be lining up with everyone else for the Honolulu Marathon. Up until the starting gun I'll probably be the guy in the back swallowing constantly and looking slightly green around the gills. However, once the feet start moving I have a feeling that all the nerves in the world won't hold me back for long.
(Originally posted 15 August 2009, Runners World and Myspace)
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